I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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