TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
