I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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