I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
