Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
