Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
