I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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