i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
