I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need moral support for this bender
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
