There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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