So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
