So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
