oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
