Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize