we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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