At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
