i can't believe i had my finger in that
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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