We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
