Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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