You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
