she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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