It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
