It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
