She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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