So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
