So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
