My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
