hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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