you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
