i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
