He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
