life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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