As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
