So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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