I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
