Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
