that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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