$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
