I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
