and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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