I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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