Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Randomize
