AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
