are you so shy because you have an std?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
