who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
