Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
