it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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