apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
