take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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