I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
