the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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