They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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