I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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