cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
