I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
