I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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