My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
