she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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