I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
