The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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