You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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