hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
