I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
