I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
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I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown