Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
