My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone