week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.