lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you