they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking