martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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