; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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