Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
