I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
